


don't leave me lonely now

by peterlovestink



Category: Video Blogging & YouTube RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-07-09
Packaged: 2018-02-08 03:32:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1925181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peterlovestink/pseuds/peterlovestink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Connor couldn't even remember how it had started – this stupid, hopeless crush of his. He was used to flirting; he flirted with anything or anyone. </p><p>But then he got to really know Troye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	don't leave me lonely now

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything in a long while, so this could be totally horrible. I apologize in advance.
> 
> A massive thank you to Sophie for betaing this. And making me finish. And also for screaming about these two with me.
> 
> And just so you know, I don't own Troye or Connor. I don't know them personally. Everything here is just I wanted to have happened. Don't take it so seriously, this isn't a conspiracy theory.
> 
> Also, my tumblr is happylittleconnor.tumblr.com :)

Connor often found himself watching them. The way they casually touched each other, flirted, laughed together. It was not hard to see, what the viewers saw in them. Hell, a year ago he would've cooed about Troyler, too, like all the other youtubers did.

It's just that, it gets a little bit harder to be happy for someone when all you want is to have them to yourself.

Connor couldn't even remember how it had started – this stupid, hopeless crush of his. He was used to flirting; he flirted with anything or anyone. There was really nothing different between him and Troye first, a few suggestive comments and winking emojis. But then he got to really know Troye.

After Troye came out in public, Connor finally confessed to someone that he wasn't exactly straight either, but didn't like labels, the definitiveness of it all – he didn't like labeling himself to anyone. And the crazy thing was, that Troye seemed to understand. He didn't make Connor feel guilty or like he had something to apologize for; he just made everything easier.

Connor was glad he finally told someone because he finally got it off his chest and he and Troye had a new kind of bond between them, some kind of understanding, and they never talked about Connor's sexuality again, which was, to be honest, a huge relief for him. They talked about everything, literally everything else, though. They became friends, closer than before, and then something just a little bit more.

They started going everywhere together, Troye flying out to the US all the time, and in conventions, they always got a room together. The shared room seemed to somewhat puzzle their youtuber friends, but no one ever said anything, just gave them a few weird looks.

Until, finally, someone caught up to Connor and his stupid crush. Obviously, it had to be Zoe.

\---

It all started when Troye, Tyler and Connor visited Zoe in Brighton. At that point, Connor wasn't even trying to deny his crush on Troye anymore – not to himself, at least. And maybe that's why he got careless, let a gaze or a touch linger just a bit too long or laughed too loud at one of Troye's lamer jokes. Whatever it was, Zoe saw it and put the pieces together.

After their tour of Brighton, when they were all getting ready to watch a movie and relax, Zoe pulled Connor to her room and locked the door. Connor was shocked, first because, how did a small girl like Zoe get that powerful and, second, because what the hell?

"Shh, Connor, don't look so panicked. I'm not going murder or molest you or anything. I just wanna talk, without Troye or Tyler being here."

That made Connor relax just a bit, enough to go sit down on Zoe's bed and sigh. "About what?"

"You and Troye," Zoe said, with a weak, little hopeful smile. Maybe she was hoping she was wrong, that things were simple and this whole talk thing was pointless. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

As soon as Connor heard those words and repeated them twice in his head just to be sure he had heard right, he buried his face down in his hands. He didn't want to, but he could feel hot tears rolling down his cheeks and he sniffed. That's when he felt Zoe's arm around him, her leaning onto him and her soft, emphatic voice repeating time after time, ‘Shh, it's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay’.

"You don't know that," Connor said stiffly, between his sniffs, but somehow Zoe still seemed to calm him down, because the tears stopped rolling down his cheeks, leaving his whole face damp. Connor wiped his face into his jumper's sleeve and slowly looked up at Zoe.

"I do know it. It's always going to be okay, no matter what. I have a vague memory of you saying something like that to me in one of those pep talks of yours." Zoe smiled and pushed Connor's shoulder teasingly, and the boy couldn't do anything but smile. Zoe always had had that talent to make people see things rationally – see the positive side of things.

"But I'm still going to get my heart broken in the process, aren't I?" Connor muttered, feeling the tears on the corners of his eyes again, threatening to fall out any moment.

Zoe looked thoughtful for a moment, then kind of nodded and shook her head at the same time, which looked so hilarious that Connor couldn't stop a giggle escaping his mouth.

"Why are you so sure it won't work? That he isn't just as crazy about you as you are about him?" Zoe asked then, gently, like knowing that the question was one of the most difficult things Connor had ever had to think about.

"I don't know. I mean, sometimes I really think he does, when he just looks at me for a long time, or smiles his stupid little private smile to me or stares at my lips, but then I see him with Tyler and..."

Zoe sighs, which is rare for her, and Connor doesn't know whether he should be shocked or not. He decides against it, when Zoe starts talking.

"You know, him and Tyler aren't actually a thing, right? They're just playing around with the flirting and the teasing. I mean, yeah, Troye might have had some kind childish crush on Tyler first, you know, the type where you don't really know the person, you're in love with the image that you have in your head about them. But based on what I have seen, Troye got over it ages ago." Zoe sighs again, and this time Connor really wonders if he should get worried. Shouldn't he be the one doing all the heavy sighing in this situation?

"And if you want my advice," Zoe continues, "which I in no way guarantee will work or be the right thing to do but, in my opinion, you should still give it a try. Talk to him, honestly, and see what happens. Maybe it'll actually all work out the best way possible, or maybe not. But at least you'll know for sure."

Zoe gets up, pecks a gentle kiss on Connor's cheek and walks out of the room, leaving the clueless Connor to sit alone.

\---

Connor sits on Zoe's bed for about ten minutes, collecting himself and his thoughts together, before finally feeling sure enough of his self-control to get up and walk into the living room, where the others are watching that old movie that Connor had never heard of, and doesn't really even care about, to be honest.

Zoe looks up when he enters the room, flashing him a quick smile before returning her gaze to the screen. Tyler doesn't even seem to notice Connor's arrival, but Troye's eyes follow him as he looks for a free seat and notices that there isn't one. He's just about to leave the room again, when Troye makes a little noice and lifts the blanket around him, clearly invitingly.

Connor stands frozen for a second, his brains not really working at the moment and just stares. He knows he shouldn't, there's really no way this could end in a good way, but a part of him, the always optimistic part, doesn't agree with him. Because god damnit, he really wants to just do it, for once jump into something unknown that could be bad but could also be the best thing that has ever happened to him.

After all, it isn't his rational or optimistic side that wins the fight going on inside Connor's head, but the hopeful and a little nervous look in Troye's eyes while he's holding the blanket up. Like he's scared of being rejected, being rejected by freaking Connor Franta. Before Connor has time to think about it anymore, he just walks to Troye's couch and falls down next to him, carefully, like everything he does could break this whole thing into millions of little pieces.

Troye smiles, a hint of surprise visible in the line of the curve, but then drags his arm around Connor and pulls the older boy against him. Connor is still too afraid to move so just lays still, let's Troye arrange their limbs in a way that they're basically spooning, and oh. Connor never thought it would feel this nice to be the little spoon.

"Hi, you," the Australian mutters straight into Connor's ear, so close that it causes shivers to run through Connor's back. Troye must feel it, because he chuckles silently as a response and pulls Connor even tighter against him.

They stay like that for a while, the movie sounds in the background, but both boys clearly only concentrating on each other, on hearing every single breath the other takes. Finally, Connor feels himself getting drowsy, falling into the darkness and...

He wakes up to a light coming through the window shields, obviously the sun rising, and it takes him a few seconds to realize that there's still a warm, lean body against him. He slept with Troye, holy shit. Even if it is literal sleeping and on a couch, still. Damn. Connor's clueless on what to do next.

Thank God or some other supernatural powers (maybe he should thank Lucifer, because Connor thinks that what he’s witnessing could probably kill him; there must be evil in it, the way it makes his stomach twist and his heart ache. Maybe he’s being a little dramatic, but whatever. Lucifer is dramatic; maybe Troye’s wearing off on him), but Connor doesn't have to make that decision, because at that exact moment, Troye's eyes flutter open. He looks confused for a few seconds, blinking rapidly at the sudden light, but then his memory seems to return and he smiles widely, looking foolishly happy, staring straight into Connor's eyes.

"G'morning," he manages to say, even though it sounds more like ‘Goffmornningg’. Connor finds it adorable that Troye is clearly not a morning person.

"You want coffee?" He answers with a question, trying to keep things as simple and normal as possible. He starts to get up and, for a second, Troye looks a bit hurt, but as he leaves, he squeezes Troye's hand, looks him straight into eyes and smiles. After a few seconds, Troye returns the smile, lets go of Connor's hand and nods his answer.

Connor feels a bit easier when he gets to the kitchen – this is something he knows how to do, this is routine, familiar. He gets the coffee started and then, after a moment of hesitation, gets a bowl and starts mixing the ingredients to pancakes in it. He's not a very good cook, rarely bothers enough to actually make something for himself, but hey, why not. Stepping out of the comfort zone and all. Today seems to be a big day for it.

Connor's already gotten two pancakes ready when he hears someone come into the kitchen behind him and turns to look. Troye's wearing only a big jumper and boxers, and Connor draws in a sharp breath because goddamnit he looks adorable, standing in the doorway, rubbing his still sleepy eyes into his sleeve. When he looks up, Connor is standing there, staring, his half mouth open, and Troye grins at him widely, in the same happy way as earlier. Connor answers to the smile, his brain on autopilot when he stalks toward Troye, with clear intention to kiss him. But just when he's close enough, their breaths almost mixing together...

"HEY, DO I SMELL FUCKING PANCAKES?"

Tyler's voice comes from around the corner, and both Connor and Troye jump a few feet backward, their faces in shock when Tyler enters the kitchen.

"Wow, which one of you made these? 'Cause I think I wanna marry whichever one it was," Tyler continues, his face practically glowing when Connor hands him a plate with the two pancakes on it.

"It was Connor," Troye mutters, turning away and starting back toward to the living room. "Connor made them." And then he's disappeared from Connor's view.

Tyler starts telling how he never pegged Connor for such a great cook, but the younger guy barely hears a word. He stares after Troye, silently wondering if he just lost his one and only chance.

\---

Connor doesn't see or really even hear from Troye for the next few months. They are both incredibly busy, so maybe that explains it. But it still feels weird not to text Troye about all the small things he finds amusing in his days, or that he doesn't wake up to Troye calling him on Skype at 3am. Connor still insists he's completely fine, every time anyone asks him about it. But still, every single time he hears Troye's name or someone mentions Troye texting them something funny, it feels like a stab to his chest.

It gets a lot worse when O2L is on tour. He's spending 100% of this time with people and, even though they're his favorite people in the world (most of the time), that doesn't mean he can't get really sick of them time after time. And when they insist that Connor is moping and want to know why, he just walks away, walks until he can't hear anything anymore, and then sits on the ground and stares at the sky. He's not moping, so it's whatever.

When the tour ends, Connor is relieved and miserable at the same time, like always after incredible experiences like this. He doesn't have even two days to rest, though, before he has to leave for Anaheim, for Vidcon. Vidcon. Which also means seeing Troye. Connor doesn't know whether he should be terrified or excited.

He really only finds out when he's already at Vidcon and sees Troye, sees his unbelievably beautiful face and his heart jumps a few times. And he knows he's excited. He's not ready to give up on the younger boy yet. To be honest, maybe he never will be.

Troye just looks at him, just looks, doesn't say or do anything while Connor stands awkwardly at the door of Troye's hotel room, smiling so large that his cheeks hurt. After what feels like hours, but is probably only a few minutes, Troye steps backward and let's Connor into the room.

Connor walks in silently, goes to sit and realizes – he had walked in on Troye having breakfast. At the same exact moment, he realizes he himself hadn't had any breakfast. His stomach reminds him of the fact with a loud growl.

Troye looks almost amused, but covers it with a sigh and says, sounding pained, "You can have some, if you want." When Connor moves enthusiastically closer to the food and grabs some toast, Troye continues.

"But now you owe me two breakfasts."

Connor looks up from his food, a clearly confused look on his face, waits for Troye to explain.

"I never actually ate those pancakes," Troye explains, keeping eye contact with Connor the whole time. The older boy's jaw goes slack and he doesn't seem to know how to react.

"In Brighton, you know," Troye specifies, waiting for Connor to say something, just. Anything, really, anything would work.

"Yeah, I know," Connor says slowly, still staring at Troye's eyes, looking completely clueless. After a moment of silence, Troye gets up and starts walking towards the bathroom.

"Troye, I jus—”

"It's cool," Troye interrupts, and Connor knows he's lying at the same moment he says it. "I'm just gonna shower, people should be coming around soon."

He walks straight to the bathroom, doesn't even glance back. Which might be a good thing, seeing as Connor is not sure if he could hold the tears back for even a second longer.

\---

An hour later, Troye's room is packed with people and they're getting ready to start the official Vidcon business. Connor's eyes keep trailing back to Troye, who's talking to Joe and Caspar, laughing with his head thrown back. He looks beautiful. That's really the only word to describe him. He looks so full of life and dreams and possibilities and, even though they're only a few years apart, Connor kind of feels like he has already forgotten what that feels like. But, with Troye, he gets a reminder of that feeling, and maybe that's why Connor likes him. Maybe that's why Troye's the only one Connor has let get this close in years. Maybe not.

Troye catches his eyes for a second, looking a bit stunned when he finds Connor staring at him, looking, well. Probably looking pretty much like want. Everything about him screams how much he wants to touch Troye, kiss him, hold him; tell him stupid, sappy things that he would never even admit thinking about to anyone else, and tell him that he's missed him so much. Because he has. For months Connor hasn't done anything but miss Troye. And now he's right there, so close, and just looking at him is making Connor happier than he has been in a long time, and he has really no idea when this stupid crush changed into something more, but clearly it had.

He feels a thump next to him, his eyes never once tearing away from Troye, but through the corner of his eye he makes out a glint of silver-y hair, knows Tyler is sitting next to him, interrupting the love poem Connor was basically drafting in his head. Tyler bumps their shoulders together and, finally, Connor moves his eyes away from Troye, hesitantly, like he's afraid that the Australian will disappear any second.

"So, that's finally happening," Tyler more confirms than asks, directing a quick glance to Troye and them looking back at Connor. He smirks. Connor follows his gaze, sighs, but doesn't answer. It's not like Tyler really needs an answer.

"I'm glad," Tyler says, smiling and nodding, and Connor looks at him a bit surprised. "What, you didn't think I'd have anything against you two, did you?"

Connor finally opens his mouth. "I don't know, wasn't completely sure there was nothing between..." His voice fades, he doesn't really want to say it out loud. Tyler finishes for him.

"Between me and Troye? Hell no. And you should know that. Also, you're my friend and you have clearly been head over heels for him for ages. So it's not like I'd do anything even if I could. Which, by the way, I couldn't, because you are all that kid ever talks about. Plus, I have my eyes on someone else. So go talk to him. And use your words, for a change."

Connor watches Tyler walk away, because that seems to be the theme of his life, and them gets up and leaves with everyone else. Talking could wait, because he had hundreds of people to meet.

\---

When the O2L crew gets back to the hotel, it's almost 2am, and the place seems to have already quieted down, everyone needing sleep after a long and busy day. The boys are a bit intoxicated, Ricky wrapping his arms all around Connor and smashing loud kisses to the back of his neck. Connor lets him, firstly because, why not? And secondly, he has more important things in his mind, e.g., Troye.

He goes to their floor with the other guys, says good night, gets one more sloppy kiss on the cheek from both Ricky and Kian, and then walks toward his door. Only, when he's a few feet away, his card already on his hand, ready to swipe the door open, he makes a 180 degree turn.

The lift is too slow for him, so Connor walks down the stairs to Troye's floor, gets lost two times on the corridors but finally finds himself in front of Troye's door. Before he knocks, he shakes his head to sober up, combs his hair with his hand and takes a long, deep breathe.

Troye answers the door after three (or maybe four) knocks and looks pissed, even after Connor's delighted, “Hi, Troye!” He lets the older boy in without a word, maybe to avoid yelling in the hallway.

"Connor, what the fuck are you doing here?"

"Did you just swear?" Connor asks on awe, and gets back only a hard look from Troye.

"Connor..."

"I missed you," Connor admits, finally getting the words he's been holding back out of his mouth. "I missed you so much it hurt, and I didn't know what to do, but I missed you every fucking second, and then, here you were, looking all beautiful and laughing and talking with everyone else but me, and I just, why didn't you miss me?"

Connor ends his drunken slur suddenly, because he needs to know, simply has to.

Troye looks a little but guilty before answering. "I did miss you."

Connor's head shoots up, eyes finding Troye's again, and there's a bit of hope in them now. "Then why didn't you call, or text, or even fucking snapchat for months?"

This time the answer comes easily, like Troye has known it all along, just been waiting for this one question.

"Because I'm an idiot."

Connor seems confused. "No, you're not."

"Yeah, I am."

"Are not."

"Am too."

"ARE NOT."

"AM TOO."

While arguing, the two boys have moved closer, like something was pulling them toward each other, close enough to touch, kiss.

“Am too,” Connor whispers.

“Are not,” Troye replies. And he realizes what he’s said, just as a smirk comes over Connor’s face.

“I got you,” Connor says.

Troye breathes deep when he takes the final step forward and basically ends up chest to chest with Connor, seeming to ignore Connor’s comment.

"I am an idiot, because I was scared, and that's why I walked away from you, from this. And that's why I didn't call, or text, or even fucking snapchat." Troye smiled weakly. "And I'm an idiot because I was scared of something that could be so good, so, so good, and I really don't wanna miss out on it." He smiles, genuine, then continues, a sparkle in his eye. “And, yeah. You do got me.” He giggles, and. God. Connor can’t take it anymore.

Connor leans in even closer, their faces now so close that their noses almost bump against each other.

"I was an idiot, too," he breathes, and then they are kissing, and their teeth are clanking together, and Troye is smiling and Connor is answering the smile, so after all they end up just smiling with their mouths pressed together. It is, to be honest, pretty shitty.

If anyone asked Connor, he'd still describe it as the best kiss of his life.

Troye leans against him, humming a little and then giggling madly and then kissing again, and this time their mouths worked together. And it all feels simple and easy and perfect, because they are just being what they had already been, just with a little more kissing. The thought makes Connor laugh out loud while Troye pulls him on to the bed with him and snuggles up against him.

"What are you laughing at?" Troye murmurs into his neck, his voice sleepy and soft.

"Nothing." Connor catches one of Troye's hands between his and squeezes it, kind of making sure this was actually real. "I'm just pretty much crazy about you."

"Nuh uh," Troye agrees, breathing into his chest. Connor smiles, pulling the other boy even closer. This time, when he feels himself drifting to sleep, he knows he has nothing to worry about in the morning. That Troye will be there. Connor almost dares to hope that Troye will always be there.


End file.
